I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize