why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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