New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
