Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
