my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
