thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
