So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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