Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Never underestimate the power of titties
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