I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
