We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
