Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
