the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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