I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
