she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
