I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
