I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
