Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
