you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The ass gains better be worth it
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