The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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