I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
