Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
