Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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