arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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