Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize