he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
