you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
