He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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