I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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