Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
