do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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