she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
