If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize