Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
