He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
