Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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