He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
