Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
