Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
