We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize