he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
