oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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