in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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