I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In America we eat man semen.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
