Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
