All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
