Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
