Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
