you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
