i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
