If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
