What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize