it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sober January is a disaster.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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