Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
