I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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