At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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