please come you make the beer taste better
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
