Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
