Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
