i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize