are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
