I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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