i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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