Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
