they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
