this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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