so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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