I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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