: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
