I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
