You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
