It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
