Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
