I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
