...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
